Tage in charge (please hum charles in charge tune while reading)

Suffice to say I have become a stay at home dad. Not that was ever really my plan. I mean we joked about it a long time ago but for it to really happen is something I don't think either one of us really thought would happen. AS I pen this Mason is upstairs sleeping. For how long no one really knows. To say it has been a challenge so far would be putting it mildly. We had some rough days were I had to leave the room because I couldn't get him to stop crying. To say it hasn't been stressful on either one of us would be putting it mildly. Happily though Mason and I have found and even playing field and things seem to be going much smoother. He has accepted me as the guy who feeds him and changes his diapers and I have accepted that as my role.

I now know what stay at moms experience and how joyful and frustrating it can be. Tegan has the ability to do many things when he goes to sleep or she just throws him in a sling and cleans and all that. I have to find time when hes asleep. We havent gotten to the sling part mostly because when i tried to put him in his snugi last week he freaked out. So now I am a little gun shy at the thought. But as the days go by I am starting to figure out his signs and what he wants from me. So now I don't feel like I'm going to freak out all the time.

Being soley the responsibility for some ones life for 8-11 hours a day can drain you severly. God knows that anyone who knows me was shocked when I moved to Spokane with tegan and then had a kid. Being the non commital person that I am its been a eye opening two years with Tegan and now with Mason. Be that it may I am happy with the decesion to start this part of my life. Would I be happier if we werent in the financial shit storm we are in right now? Hell yes but as Tegan says if its meant to be then its meant to be. We will muddle our way out of this eventually.

Hopefully we dont have mental break downs and if we do hopefully on different weeks. Tegan is working 18-19 days non stop at 2 jobs and is working 9-10 tonight. I cant find a job to save my life and now being tied up all day with Mason makes it difficult to just go out and look. So my life is regulated by feedings burping going for walks and searching the internet for promising jobs.

Everone says these are the best times with a child and I agee. Now that we are buddies and I have gotten use to walking around the house in circles trying to get him to go to sleep its all good. But how do I go about helping Tegan? I suggestd going to her work on her lunch so she could play with Mason and feel connected with him. I know that is just a stop gap and that I dont know how it feels to be her. Or how it must be effecting her because she can't play with him all the time like she use to.

All be it I am just a man and also a Tage so I didnt have him in me for 8 months nor do I feed him from my body. So to me hes just Mason. Hes a little person who chooses to do what he wants acts like a brat and complains already. When hes doing his Im crying to be a brat I laugh at him and he stops. When he dosen't like something and wants to act out he pushs his lower lip out like hes soo upset. and I laugh at him. I try to share these things with T but it feels like Im saying look what you missed out on, when all im saying is see this understand whats going on, be involved even though your not there.

I am at a lost on how to help her cause i know this is eating her up inside. Any suggestions? Please send T some love today tomorrow or anytime. Call her write her come on by for gods sake! it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a family to foster a feeling of love and I think she feels like shes not part of a bigger family now. that her life is all about work and we all know thats not true but I need a hand people lets all shower the people we love with love.

Im out :)

3 Months

Couldn't take my hiatus before posting this picture. Mason JD is 3 months old today!

Hiatus from Blogging

Since Tage is the primary care giver at this point it only makes sense to let him provide updates. Right now my posts would consist of things like this: "Tonight Mason wouldn't fall asleep until he was safe in the arms of his dad rather than some lady who comes to visit him for an hour or so a day."

Not fun for me to write nor for you to read.

I keep telling myself it will get better. Until then...

TGIF

This is the kind of morning it is.

My occasional tall skinny Cinnamon Dolce latte was just not going to cut it.





After...

1:15AM nursing
3:45AM nursing
4:30AM woke up crying (Mason, not me)
5:30AM nursing
6AM time to get up and get ready for work

...today is a venti morning.

Reality: Part II

This is the view of Mason I was fortunate to have 24 hours a day and 7 days a week for 12 full and glorious weeks. I truly envy stay-at-home moms. Back in elementary school I thought my dream job was to become a marine biologist. How little I knew then.

Tomorrow concludes my first week back at work and below is a picture of the view of Mason I've now grown accustomed to. At the end of the day own baby will not even look at me. It takes at least half an hour of poking and prodding, smiling and singing, hugging and nursing when I get home in the evenings for him to warm up to me again. To say it breaks my heart would be an enormous understatement. My friend Laura put it best when she explained that, "He is a different person and deals with things his own way now." She is so right, he is a little person with feelings and emotions even if he can't express them verbally or understand them yet. We are both adjusting to not having each other there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He is dealing with it his way and I am dealing with it mine.
Having the childhood I did (with parents who divorced when I was 12) one would think I would have learned at an early age that life doesn't necessarily turn out the way you expect it to. Sadly, it took me about 24 years to come to that realization. At 27, I did my best not to have any expectations of what pregnancy would be like (despite the horror stories) and what our life with a baby would be like (despite the world's incessant sleep deprivation comments) so it has all been a surprise and a learn-as-you-go experience, at least for me, I can't speak for Tage. Going back to work was no different. While it wasn't my first choice, it is the right thing for us and our family. Mason (and Tage) and I are figuring it out a day at a time and while I may have the urge once in a while to be selfish and wish our situation was different, I quickly remind myself that the way things have worked out is the way they are supposed to be. I am doing the best that I can, Mason is not going to hold it against me, I am providing for our family, and one day things will be better.

The reality of it is, this is my life. I love this life, wouldn't trade it for anything, and those "Saturday Smiles" are what's making it all worthwhile these days... even if I have to work for them.

Saturday Smile

Those open-mouthed smiles get me every time.

Back to work I go

Monday morning I'll be reporting to work at the Chase branch in Rosemont as a Personal Financial Representative (personal banker). No more long manager hours for me (at least not right now) and no more stay-at-home mom fun either. It will, however, be nice to have that paycheck coming in once again. Tage will be on his own on Monday with Mason so wish him luck! I'm sure the boys will have a great time together. In the meantime Tage is frantically trying to find a job before Monday...

Happy Easter!

We hope you had a wonderful day with your families!

Me and my boys Jared and Grandpa Saner playing catch...

...with Lauren and Melanie across the pool

Uncle Jeff, Mom, Jared, Aunt Stacey, and Granpa Saner enjoying brunch

Dad and Mason hanging out at Ancil Hoffman Park

Bocce Ball fun

Mason chatting it up with Grandma Pete

Going anywhere with a kid requires a lot of STUFF! Luckily Tage has strong arms.

Carrot Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting

We're in charge of bringing dessert for the Easter picnic at Ancil Hoffman park with the family tomorrow. I'm hoping these (healthy) Carrot Cupcakes from a Martha Stewart recipe will do the trick. Adorned with "nests" of toasted coconut and peanut butter M&M's it was all I could do not to taste one tonight!

It's official: Being a mom changes you

I just got home from dinner out with Lindsey and Rachel. We went to a new "night club" restaurant called Tre that is owned by the same person who runs 33rd Street Bistro and Bistro 33 (confusing, I know.) The past couple of hours have made me realize a few things about myself as a new mother...

1. I am changed physically. From the moment Lindsey suggested dinner earlier this morning I agonized over what to wear. It's as if I have completely forgotten how to dress myself for social situations (assuming I ever new how to in the first place.) Even after I donned an outfit I found to be suitable, once I got to Lindsey's house and saw myself in the mirror I discovered I was not at all dressed appropriately. Not that my outfit was inappropriate for the evening's events but that it was inappropriate for my body. I actually have love-handles. Okay, they're small, but they're there. It's as if I've been given an entirely new body with thicker thighs, a flabby mid-section, and a larger chest that I need to get used to dressing. And boy am I now motivated to get in shape!
2. I'm changed emotionally. Even before leaving the house I was looking forward to coming back home. Mason was in the very capable hands of his grandmother and I was completely fine with that (thanks again Mom!) Still, I hadn't even walked out the front door and I looked forward to walking back through it. What a significant change from the days when I didn't think twice about leaving... and on occasion wouldn't come home until the next day. I didn't think there would come a day when I would rather stay home and do nothing than be out with the girls having fun.
3. I'm changed socially. We're sitting there enjoying wine, good conversation, and reviewing this new restaurant and there I am checking my cell phone in case my mom needs something. What she could possibly need in the hour since I had left the house, I don't know. Just knowing I wasn't being summoned was comforting. The dinner conversation hovered around travel (Lindsey) and career (Rachel) and then to motherhood (me.) I had little else to talk about except for how I'm constantly changing diapers and very closely resemble a dairy. How far from the conversations of only a year ago surrounding work, future plans, and reminiscing.

Whether I like it or not, the simple act of being a mother has changed me without my knowledge or consent. I have no doubt this is the first of many changes, many realizations, and adaptations and, well, I'm okay with that. Bring it on motherhood!

Retraction: BIG News

It turns out we are not moving to Korea after all. The families can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. Now if someone has any leads on jobs for Tage it would be extremely helpful! (Just none that require top secret U.S. military clearance please.)

Easter Egg Drawstring Bags

I just finished these felt Easter Egg Drawstring Bags for my little cousins Lauren and Melanie. A handmade and reusable alternative to traditional plastic Easter baskets that was also inexpensive. I had fun choosing the ribbon colors and it was a simple project. More practice on the sewing machine... one of these days I might attempt something slightly difficult!

The bags are filled with little trinkets from Wishing Well in colors complimenting the ribbon colors (yellows and greens for the green bag, pinks and purples for the purple bag.) Before I present these to the girls I'll have to include some organic chocolate and jelly beans from Trader Joe's for a little extra sweetness.

My mom spent some time with me and Mason on Wednesday and after venturing out to the back yard she came in with a few beautiful Calla Lillies, a Bird of Paradise, and select greenery to make the cheery bouquet pictured above. Spying some glass Easter eggs on my dining room table, she transformed the arrangement into a gorgeous Spring center piece. Thanks Mom!

Jelly Bean Bags

I found the tutorial for these adorable Wool Felt Jelly Beans and thought they would be the perfect Easter goodies for a certain playful kid I know (who will remain nameless because their mother is a reader of this blog and I was hoping to keep it a surprise.)

Not only were the jelly-bean-shaped bean bags simple to make and inexpensive, these are also "green beans" made of felt from recycled plastic bottles and filled with organic rice. An Easter treat that has no sugar, promotes activity, AND doesn't harm the environment. My kind of gift!

10 Weeks

It never ceases to amaze me the places and positions children can fall asleep in. Mason fell asleep on my shoulder at 6pm today as I was attempting to get a burp out of him. I laid him down next to me on the sofa and as I type this (at 9pm) he is still passed out there. Tage has been telling me my nice couches were eventually going to be marred by spit-up (or worse) but so far it's just drool...
Today was our first full day without Tage and we are attempting to establish a routine. Mason slept long enough this morning to allow me to shower, do a few dishes, and even vacuum and dust the house. I have a feeling tomorrow I won't be so lucky considering what time he fell asleep this evening. He is still waking up every 2-3 hours to nurse (there is the occasional 4 hour break) but falls right back asleep and will sleep soundly for 8-12 hours... which is good since he rarely naps for more than an hour or two during the day.
Taking advantage of Mason's exhaustion this evening I made Oatmeal Cookies with Dried Apricots and Cranberries. It was a Martha Stewart recipe and I substituted the dried cranberries for white chocolate chips that are in hers. That makes them healthier, right?
I couldn't have made the cookies without Jaime, who called because she was shopping at Savemart and wanted to know if I needed anything. I happened to have used all of the baking soda in the house in those lavender sachets and had neglected to pick some up when Mason and I walked down there this morning. THANK YOU Jaime, for being so thoughtful! I have the absolute best friends in the entire world.

Before and After: Showering

Before: Lather, rinse, repeat, condition, leave-in treatment
After: Lather, rinse (when I remember)

Before: Listening to the radio and singing along.
After: Listening to the baby monitor and praying for 2 more minutes.

Before: Staying in until the hot water ran out.
After: Not staying in long enough for the water to get hot.

Before: Shaving everything...
After: Shaving?

Before: Thinking about what I'm going to do that day.
After: Thinking about whether to risk washing my hair or wait just one more day.

Saturday Smile

Bath time is fun again! No, really.

BIG News

Tage got a job!

The even bigger news?

The job is in Korea.

Friday night Tage was talking to a friend in Virginia, Chris, who works for a company that does security work for the U.S. military. Tage was updating Chris on his exhaustive and unsuccessful job search in our area and Chris mentioned to him that his company had a position available if he was interested. I was in Arizona, obviously, and received a text from Tage mentioning a job in Korea on Friday evening. Knowing he had had a few glasses of wine that evening I didn't think twice about it... until Saturday when he called me with all the details. By the time Mason and I got home on Monday Tage and I had pretty much decided that this was an opportunity we couldn't turn down.

In addition to the generous (tax-free) salary and housing allowance, I would not have to work and could stay home with Mason. Tage's work schedule would be 7 days on and 7 days off which would enable us to do some extensive traveling. Not to mention the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live and work in another culture for a year.

The position involves computers and you'll have to ask Tage for the details but it would be a great way for him to finally have a career, and a good one at that! We are going to hate being without our family and friends for another year but this is absolutely the best thing for us and for Mason's future. This job will give us the ability to pay off a LOT of (my) debt and actually be able to save more. We do have at least one college tuition to think about now!

Tage leaves for Virginia on Sunday and will be in training and obtaining his security clearance for 10 days. He'll be back home on the 15th and will then leave for Korea on the 18th, arriving on the 19th, and beginning work on the 20th. The company is paying to have our house packed up and placed in storage and we will rent out the house on 56th Street (so if you know anyone looking...) As soon as Tage has housing taken care of in Korea Mason and I will head over. Needless to say it is going to be a whirlwind of a month or two.

This is 90% a done deal as Tage still needs to pass a background check, but we're fairly certain there won't be any issues. People don't just get these opportunities every day and we're in a position to take it... so here we go! Please plan on taking a trip to Korea in the next year!

2 Months

Our little cutie is an even 12 pounds and has grown to 23 1/2 inches in the last 9 weeks. Mason visited the doctor this morning for his 2 month immunizations and check up. He is in the 10th percentile for his weight, 15th percentile for the size of his head (14 1/2 inches), and 65th percentile for his height. He is quite a healthy boy and, despite being grumpy and sore today from the shots, Mason is a very happy baby. Tage and I are very blessed!

Extreme Home Makeover: Hallways

Before

After