Reality: Part II

This is the view of Mason I was fortunate to have 24 hours a day and 7 days a week for 12 full and glorious weeks. I truly envy stay-at-home moms. Back in elementary school I thought my dream job was to become a marine biologist. How little I knew then.

Tomorrow concludes my first week back at work and below is a picture of the view of Mason I've now grown accustomed to. At the end of the day own baby will not even look at me. It takes at least half an hour of poking and prodding, smiling and singing, hugging and nursing when I get home in the evenings for him to warm up to me again. To say it breaks my heart would be an enormous understatement. My friend Laura put it best when she explained that, "He is a different person and deals with things his own way now." She is so right, he is a little person with feelings and emotions even if he can't express them verbally or understand them yet. We are both adjusting to not having each other there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He is dealing with it his way and I am dealing with it mine.
Having the childhood I did (with parents who divorced when I was 12) one would think I would have learned at an early age that life doesn't necessarily turn out the way you expect it to. Sadly, it took me about 24 years to come to that realization. At 27, I did my best not to have any expectations of what pregnancy would be like (despite the horror stories) and what our life with a baby would be like (despite the world's incessant sleep deprivation comments) so it has all been a surprise and a learn-as-you-go experience, at least for me, I can't speak for Tage. Going back to work was no different. While it wasn't my first choice, it is the right thing for us and our family. Mason (and Tage) and I are figuring it out a day at a time and while I may have the urge once in a while to be selfish and wish our situation was different, I quickly remind myself that the way things have worked out is the way they are supposed to be. I am doing the best that I can, Mason is not going to hold it against me, I am providing for our family, and one day things will be better.

The reality of it is, this is my life. I love this life, wouldn't trade it for anything, and those "Saturday Smiles" are what's making it all worthwhile these days... even if I have to work for them.