Before and After: TV

Before: Criminal Minds
After: Charlie Rose

Before: Not missing NCIS
After: Not knowing what night NCIS is on

Before: Dexter
After: Glee

Before: Wine Wednesdays
After: Pizza Fridays

Before: The Simpsons on Sunday nights
After: The last half of the Simpsons (after Tage reminds me it's on)

I write these "Before and After" posts thinking about what life used to be like prepartum (is that a word?) I came to a realization a few weeks ago after the season finale of Dexter in which the last scene (actually, the last scene I watched) included the disturbing image of a baby sitting in a pool of his mother's blood (I told you it was disturbing.) I have realized that I can't watch TV the same anymore. Later on in the week we were watching an episode of Criminal Minds where a mother and her two boys were kidnapped and held hostage. I had to STOP watching until the end where the family was rescued. It literally hurts my heart to see things like that now-- even though I know it is not real.

The problem is, I know it could be real. For some families it is real.

So much changes when you become a parent, that's obvious. What isn't so obvious is how much you change as a person when you become a parent. Things affect me so differently now. Before I had Mason, reading this horrible story about a boy in Shasta County who was horrifically abused would have broken my heart. Reading that story in the newspaper while at work caused me to burst into tears. It hurt my soul.

Is is almost as if when you become a mother, you become the mother of every child out there. Your heart aches when you see Amber Alerts. You shed tears for the mistreatment of any child. You feel pain for every mother who experiences loss. Even if you did these things and felt this way before you became a parent, it is still just different.

The way I respond is different.
The way I feel is different.

And now, even the way I watch television is different.