Easter

If this blog is anything it is honest. In case you would like a reminder of some of the "real life" stuff I've shared, you can check out the post about when I was in a car accident on Christmas Eve at 32 weeks pregnant and we had no heat in our house when it was snowing outside. Or you can read the post Tage wrote during my postpartum depression after having to go back to work last year. Then there's the recent one about all the croup and colposcopies. So, in the spirit of transparency, I can easily say this could have been the worst Easter I can ever remember having.

This is the closest we got to a family picture. That is because we didn't spend it as a family.

Don't get me wrong, I think Mason had a good time. He was spoiled by his grandmas and got to go to Sunday school. (Side note: WHY do grandparents insist that small children, like the adorable 14-month old pictured below, need candy and chocolate? Argh! Anyway...)

We did get to spend time with my extended family. Mase loooves his uncles, that's for sure. They are pretty smitten with him too, if you ask me.

I said above that this could have been the worst Easter I can ever remember having. It wasn't. And not because some serious crap didn't go down (because it did, and it still is) but because I was reminded that when I just can't keep it together, God can.

I have failed at a lot of things in life. I've failed as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend and as a wife. I'll fail someday as a parent too (not to say I haven't already.) As I sat in church this morning with a stomach ache caused by two days of emotional turmoil, I was reminded that I can come back from despair. No matter what I am going through or how devastating my circumstances, I know God can, and will, lift me out of my own desperation and loss. He enables me to live with hope.

Secondly, I can come back from defeat. I had no idea how defeated I really felt until I read those words. It is so easy to let life wear you down. I am fortunate to have some of the most incredible women in my life who continually lift me up and encourage me and I am so thankful for that. Your friends can only do so much though. Especially late at night when I am having trouble sleeping and the anxiety over all of my failures seems overwhelming. It is during those quiet moments in the dark that He reminds me that I have already experienced forgiveness. His forgiveness is all I need.

Then there are all those plans I've made that have gone wrong or turned out the opposite of what I expected.That's where Jeremiah 29:11 comes in. I include that verse in the "About me" of this blog so that I will read it regularly and be reminded. I can bounce back from doubt. Doubt in myself, my choices, my purpose. Thanks to God, I can be confident about my faith, and be confident in His plan for me.

All that to say, it will be all right. I don't mean to be "preachy" although most of this came out of the sermon at church today, and I don't know what will happen or how to fix things or how to change things (or even what needs to be changed) but I do know that I'm not alone in it. My life is not my own and neither is Mason's. I know without a doubt that all of our needs will be provided for, thanks to the unimaginable sacrifice Jesus made for us. For that I am eternally grateful.