Suffice to say I have become a stay at home dad. Not that was ever really my plan. I mean we joked about it a long time ago but for it to really happen is something I don't think either one of us really thought would happen. AS I pen this Mason is upstairs sleeping. For how long no one really knows. To say it has been a challenge so far would be putting it mildly. We had some rough days were I had to leave the room because I couldn't get him to stop crying. To say it hasn't been stressful on either one of us would be putting it mildly. Happily though Mason and I have found and even playing field and things seem to be going much smoother. He has accepted me as the guy who feeds him and changes his diapers and I have accepted that as my role.
I now know what stay at moms experience and how joyful and frustrating it can be. Tegan has the ability to do many things when he goes to sleep or she just throws him in a sling and cleans and all that. I have to find time when hes asleep. We havent gotten to the sling part mostly because when i tried to put him in his snugi last week he freaked out. So now I am a little gun shy at the thought. But as the days go by I am starting to figure out his signs and what he wants from me. So now I don't feel like I'm going to freak out all the time.
Being soley the responsibility for some ones life for 8-11 hours a day can drain you severly. God knows that anyone who knows me was shocked when I moved to Spokane with tegan and then had a kid. Being the non commital person that I am its been a eye opening two years with Tegan and now with Mason. Be that it may I am happy with the decesion to start this part of my life. Would I be happier if we werent in the financial shit storm we are in right now? Hell yes but as Tegan says if its meant to be then its meant to be. We will muddle our way out of this eventually.
Hopefully we dont have mental break downs and if we do hopefully on different weeks. Tegan is working 18-19 days non stop at 2 jobs and is working 9-10 tonight. I cant find a job to save my life and now being tied up all day with Mason makes it difficult to just go out and look. So my life is regulated by feedings burping going for walks and searching the internet for promising jobs.
Everone says these are the best times with a child and I agee. Now that we are buddies and I have gotten use to walking around the house in circles trying to get him to go to sleep its all good. But how do I go about helping Tegan? I suggestd going to her work on her lunch so she could play with Mason and feel connected with him. I know that is just a stop gap and that I dont know how it feels to be her. Or how it must be effecting her because she can't play with him all the time like she use to.
All be it I am just a man and also a Tage so I didnt have him in me for 8 months nor do I feed him from my body. So to me hes just Mason. Hes a little person who chooses to do what he wants acts like a brat and complains already. When hes doing his Im crying to be a brat I laugh at him and he stops. When he dosen't like something and wants to act out he pushs his lower lip out like hes soo upset. and I laugh at him. I try to share these things with T but it feels like Im saying look what you missed out on, when all im saying is see this understand whats going on, be involved even though your not there.
I am at a lost on how to help her cause i know this is eating her up inside. Any suggestions? Please send T some love today tomorrow or anytime. Call her write her come on by for gods sake! it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a family to foster a feeling of love and I think she feels like shes not part of a bigger family now. that her life is all about work and we all know thats not true but I need a hand people lets all shower the people we love with love.
Im out :)
Having the childhood I did (with parents who divorced when I was 12) one would think I would have learned at an early age that life doesn't necessarily turn out the way you expect it to. Sadly, it took me about 24 years to come to that realization. At 27, I did my best not to have any expectations of what pregnancy would be like (despite the horror stories) and what our life with a baby would be like (despite the world's incessant sleep deprivation comments) so it has all been a surprise and a learn-as-you-go experience, at least for me, I can't speak for Tage. Going back to work was no different. While it wasn't my first choice, it is the right thing for us and our family. Mason (and Tage) and I are figuring it out a day at a time and while I may have the urge once in a while to be selfish and wish our situation was different, I quickly remind myself that the way things have worked out is the way they are supposed to be. I am doing the best that I can, Mason is not going to hold it against me, I am providing for our family, and one day things will be better. 
